Somebody the other day had a review, called me 'America's reprobate.' And I don't even know what that means, but I kinda like the way it sounds.
I've asked these guys in rock bands with all the 18-wheelers driving to the venue how they make money. I just don't understand it. But I don't understand a lot of things.
I do live like a rock star, but it's not as great as it sounds. It's a lot of traveling.
I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there.
I just try to keep it fresh without sacrificing funny.
As a small child, I could watch anything happen and tell a story, and it was funny.
I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.
All I know how to do is take what's on my mind and spit it out funny. I don't know what else I could do besides comedy.
My show is more storytelling now than it's ever been. It's what I'm good at.
You can teach somebody how to be a brain surgeon, but you cannot teach them how to walk on a stage and make people laugh.
I guarantee there's people who watch television who have no idea how complicated it is to make a television show.
I don't like to do material people have heard. Now, they like to hear material that they know, because that's the stuff that made me famous, and, unfortunately, I don't do a ton of it.
Anything I write that I consider stage-quality work, I won't give my TV show. I put it in my live show.
You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.
I'm not the judge of who that is, but I am a believer that no debt in the universe goes unpaid. If you try to buy early, you'll pay late.
When I was 20, I used to go around telling stories, and I knew where I was comfortable - onstage, talking, making 'em laugh and listen to the weirdest things. I liked being the center of attention.
People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.
