It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
