When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you're older you begin to get credit for virtues you never possessed. It evens itself out.
The Yankees don't pay me to win every day, just two out of three.
The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn't argue with one. I'd put my arms around her and give her a little kiss.
I don't know if he throws a spitball but he sure spits on the ball.
Don't cut my throat, I may want to do that later myself.
Never make predictions, especially about the future.
