In stand-up it really helps to play yourself and talk about your own feelings. You cannot fail to be original if you're just talking about what you think about X, Y and Z. Unless you've got a twin brother who's also a stand-up.
Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both... different. In spelling.
Never put a sock in a toaster.
Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.
My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.
I'm a one-man idiot.
