In life, there's a ying and a yang and a balance. And when you don't have balance, you have comedy.
The first night was awful because I was so afraid, and I was never more afraid because it was going out of my character to be outgoing and to be vulnerable and to be out there and onstage. My hands were sweaty and I couldn't swallow, and I drank a bottle of wine to calm my nerves.
So I started to relax and would work on my act eight hours a day, sitting at a desk writing at my grandmother's house, and I would put on Richard Pryor Live on Long Beach and would play it like a loop and think and write.
If the worst thing that can happen is that nobody laughs, then I can deal with that, because the worst thing that can happen at the factory is that I could lose a limb or be crushed by a huge machine.
If this country wants to elect someone with no political experience who is racially insensitive and golfs... In my first 100 days, I will make Taco Tuesday the law.
David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host right now, hands down, and has been since he first took the desk.
