I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault - it's called breathing.
I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.
When I was a child, I had wax in my ears. Dad didn't take me to the doctor, he used me as a night light.
Slumps don't bother me.
I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.'
