I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
I have to visualise my jokes, live my jokes, feel the audience because every audience is different. It's like having a different dancing partner every night.
On my tombstone it will say: 'I tried everything - nothing was easy.'
Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before.
