A woman lives with resentment. Resentment hurts, and it is a throbbing pain that leaves deep scars. Although some of the scars heal, the resentment lingers on. When she kneels to pray, she feels as if her prayers fall on deaf ears; the burdens are intolerable.
A woman is always carrying other people’s burdens, kicked to the ground, scorned, and damaged to the core. When a woman is going along at a steady pace, someone comes along to knock her off balance. A woman falls more often than she likes to. That’s okay, give yourself a shake and dust it off. A woman can be bruised many times, but she is not broken, and she always rises above it.
No longer was I consumed by being a prisoner in my mind. I was not willing to give in to the cards I was dealt. I took my power back and I had control of the cards, and as I held the cards in my hand, I shuffled them to my liking. I knew I wasn’t always going have the best hand every single time, but I knew I had the power to shuffle when I needed to reexamine my hand.
This transformation helped me to become productive and my mindset became focused on change for the better. My identity was the essence of me, and the path without fear was ahead of me as I walked, knowing that happiness, grace, joy, and love were my birthright!
Each sacrifice was a process of change. Your tears changed your perception and they cleansed your soul. Those were survival tears. As you were changing, slowly but surely you were forming a connection as you began to think and analyze—this isn’t your life. This isn’t you.
Change gives you the courage to look at your past without any regrets. Change says your past made you stronger and wiser and is getting you ready to emerge from hibernation. It is preparing you to never comprise your self-worth and to take everything at face value. Take a breather. Don’t underestimate your ability to create your own happiness. Your journey starts when you begin to love (Y.O.U.) Yourself. Over. Unhappiness.
As a fallen warrior, you feel like nothing has been going your way lately, and that you do not have any fight left. Do not dwell on the past or what is thrown at you; instead, use it as fuel to be a powerful fighter! As you become a powerful fighter, learn how to balance and focus on your inner peace. Keep a steady, positive mind and remind yourself that nobody has the power or authority to bring you down.
One might say, it’s easier said than done. Of course, I have been down that road as well. I agree one hundred percent that it’s so much easier said than done. I am very much aware that life sometimes is like tossing a coin in the air calling heads or tails, but it doesn’t matter what side it lands on; life goes on.
There are stages in life that you must go through to find out the true value of your worth. I learned that nobody knows your worth but you. Nobody will value you more than yourself. People will treat you according to how much you can take. Do you know how much can you take? Do you know your limits? I had to go through hell and beyond to answer both questions. When I look back, I ask myself, who’s to blame?
Sadly, a lot of things took a turn for the worse in my life, but they taught me a lesson. They helped me to become the person who I am today. In my late thirties, I am learning so much about myself; and still learning. I am so in love with myself more than I’ve ever been! I feel free and at peace. Life is good! It is getting better and better every day!
If I knew then what I know now—I would have chosen me. I would have loved me more. I would have put a smile on my face. I would have made sure I laughed at least three times a day or more; the more the better. I would have fallen in love with the peace that was surrounding me. Self-fulfillment is what I would have given more of to myself.
Sacrifices and resentments leave a woman standing on the edge, but she doesn’t have the nerve to look down or jump. As a woman struggles through the days trying to soothe the hurt, but every time she turns around it spreads like wildfire. She is left alone in the middle of a crisis. As women, we ask ourselves over and over again, how long do I have to wait? When will the torture end?
It is okay to cry survival tears. In difficult times, it is okay to ask questions. It is hard to let go and have faith; therefore, you are always asking, Why me? What did I do wrong? Should I have given more of this or that? Or, what if? Stop. Pause. If you start to overthink, you start thinking wrong. Calm your mind and know, Fallen Warrior, this is not your fault. Questions are overflowing in your mind as you rob yourself of happiness, and you cannot catch your breath because fear is giving you an earful of lies. You must kill the lies by choosing to be happy. Happiness goes a long way. Bring back the flow of happiness.
Slowly but surely, I let the happiness back into my life. There were times when I psyched myself out and let happiness play peek-a-boo as I let despair, pain, hurt, stress and depression back into my life. When I had to start from ground zero, I didn’t think I was going to make it. I was a fallen warrior who didn’t have any armor for protection. All of my weapons of bravery, peace, sanity, and joy were stolen from me. I was abandoned without any protection from the world
A woman sacrifices more than she is given, and nobody is willing to take any of the pain that they have caused. Yet she is running at full speed without a break, and her world is crumbling from carrying everyone else’s problems. Where are the extended hands? They are nowhere to be found.
When you can’t provide for them anymore, their true character comes out. They treat you like pure shit. To make matters worse, they talk trash behind your back, as if what you’ve done for them was useless. That’s how some people are—they will use you up and break you down until you have nothing left to give them or yourself. People who do not have anything to lose will make sure you lose everything you’ve work so hard for.
We live in a cruel world. People are dreadfully cold. I have never seen so many dishonest, selfish and greedy people. They are willing to use others until they get exactly what they want. What makes matters even worse, after they get what they want, they come back and ask for more. Sadly, people do not have any empathy for others. They are like leeches and will suck the blood out of you until you have nothing left.
When I let go of everyone’s problems and focused on me, I gained a lot of knowledge about myself I didn’t know. I finally realized the definition of peace, joy, love, and happiness. When I started to give more to myself, I learned to love myself wholeheartedly. Most importantly, I learned that nobody would love me more than I love myself. I am the only person who will love hard on me. Therefore, I learned how to live in a self-fulfilling mode, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
Love abounds against all odds. One thing about love is that it comes with many sacrifices. Its good intentions always reassure you that in order to love someone else, you must be willing to love yourself first.
As a single mother, I feel like I carry the weight of the ocean on my shoulders trying to keep my head above water to keep from drowning. I try to stand firm as I dig my toes in the sand, but the troubling waves tend to wash the sand away from under my feet. I lose my balance, but I have to make the best of what I am given; take a leap of faith and start swimming.