"conflict"タグの名言

In some ways, we will always be different. In other ways, we will always be the same. There is always room to disagree and blame, just as there is always room to take a new perspective and empathize. Understanding is a choice.

Relationships are used by the darkness to keep people revolving around the ego’s demands. For a moment, people see the light of the divine in each other. They run to it and then quickly forget the light they once saw as their fears reclaim their consciousness. Thus begins the ongoing battle to protect one’s own ‘rights’, in case they be forgotten or betrayed. The tally of what is owed is counted, the guilt of perceived wrong doings is cast upon the other, one’s freedom must be paid as the price for ‘love’, and it is only in short periods of peace when all of this is forgotten. Those moments are the precious windows of the Soul.

We draw into our life those who will help us to grow. Naturally, we tend to have mixed feelings about those very people but they are marked for us. We have forgotten that we wrote them an invitation some time ago. We look at them as if they are intruders when all along they are our guests.

You can turn every ugly and damaging drama into a genuine blessing by seeing it differently. No one is suffering on purpose. We learn to give up the pleasure we feel in self-righteously blaming others. Healing happens when we see things differently. The question is: do you want suffering or peace? It's that simple.

Contrary to popular opinion, the primary goal of relationships is not to make us happy. Relationships make us grow. That growth will, with time, naturally increase our happiness. Growth has a price, and that’s the bit we don’t like paying. It ranges from uncomfortable to downright tortuous depending on the issue, how deeply seated it is, how much work we have previously done on it, how resistant we are to working on it, and how much painful emotion is already attached to the issue from past experiences. At any price, it’s still a bargain.

If we are afraid of the pain of grief, we will be afraid of confrontation. We may not leave relationships that should be left for fear of grief. We may be reluctant to enter into relationships that should be entered into for fear of them not working and the consequent suffering. Love, surprisingly, helps to heal the loss of love. Not the soppy love of romantics. Not the self-seeking love of infatuated would-be lovers. Not weak, needy love, but real love. It says, “No matter what, I will do what is best for you, me, my child, my friend, and those I dedicate my love to. If that is painful, I will still choose it.

A bad fight is anything which does not help to move the relationship and the people involved forward. If one dominates the other, it will eventually be at the expense of the relationship. Everything depends on the intention. If the intention is to hurt, belittle, ignore, reject or win then good will struggle to come from that. If the intention is to wrestle with some boundaries and deal with unresolved issues then that is positive and important. Love for the other person and respect for their rights, as well as our own rights, will set a steady course for any argument. Of most value is a sincere desire to make the relationship work which, after all, is often why we fight. We want the relationship to honestly work.

We give our all to our relationships. We give our love, pain, joy, fear, and hope. We give our body, mind, and spirit. We trust the other person with all that we are. Fighting is a small price to pay for the opportunity to give something as beautiful as a person’s whole being. The really beneficial relationships are the ones where we are deeply connected to the other. Sometimes, they tear us apart and then reform us. They can be painful and scary ventures. One has to have courage. One day, there will be nothing left to fight about.

It is not that you want me. It is that you like the way I want you and you don’t want that feeling to go to someone else.

I suspected that most marriages were more complicated than couples tended to let on. That summer, it seemed like every week brought news of another pair in our community who were splitting up. They were all around our age, most with little kids, trying to run their own businesses in a small economy. The evidence of those breakups directly contradicted the rosy way relationships were portrayed on Facebook, in public. I began to believe that future generations would study how we represent our long-term partnerships, and call us on our lies, in the same way we look at the way the Victorians depicted sex and know that it simply wasn't like that, not behind closed doors or in the hayloft. We hide marital conflict with the same sense of decorum. We'd do more good if we were honest and set realistic expectations for what it's like in the long run.

Ask your partner for acceptance, not obedience.

Do you want real intimacy? Real fulfillment? Or do you want an emotionally charged relationship that swings up and down, over and over?

A boundary is not a plea, demand, or rule that your partner must follow... or else. A boundary is a decision that you make about how you’re going to lead your own life.

The relationship, whatever form it may take now and in the future, is already in motion. It is already bringing up the right issues. Regardless of its destined outcome, it is working in that good/bad, pleasure/painful way that important relationships do. Keep your own eyes on a straight course of love and trust and it will help to move everything in that direction.

We don't have to stay in a repeating bad story, We can pick up a new book which is better and happier, just by putting the other book down.

Relationships are constantly changing. They have to be dealt with every day anew. They are not constant, unchanging entities. You have to pay attention. If things take a turn for the worse then it is painful but it’s a chance to see things differently, a chance to see more. So that is a helpful pain.

Do not assume that someone else’s ego can love you. It cannot. It does not even love the person it resides in. The limit of the ego’s 'love' is to decide that you are a temporary ally and thus it will protect you for the benefit of its own use. Only a soul can accept and return love. Everything else is manipulation. Fragile arrangements. They are, at best, suspicious and, at worst, vicious.

You have to lift a person up before you can really put them in their place.

A Shield for An Arrow, A Proof for a Gun, But Love Conquers Them All.

A revolution is not a bed of roses. A revolution is a struggle between the future and the past.