The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I'm an extinct volcano.
A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.
A rich widow weeps with one eye and signals with the other.
A wise woman will always let her husband have her way.
Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same.
Conrad Hilton was very generous to me in the divorce settlement. He gave me 5,000 Gideon Bibles.
In my conscience I believe the baggage loves me, for she never speaks well of me herself, nor suffers anybody else to rail at me.
It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.
Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.
Married women are kept women, and they are beginning to find it out.
Modern American marriage is like a wire fence. The woman's the wire -the posts are the husband's.
The calmest husbands make the stormiest wives.
The only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband being big enough to step back and see where the wife was wrong.
There is nothing like living together for blinding people to each other.
There is so little difference between husbands you might as well keep the first.
When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
You can bear your own faults, and why not a fault in your wife?
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing.
