I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like "What I'm Going to Be if I Grow Up."
The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
There are never enough 'I love you's.
Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.
The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.
I would be with a bunch of Kennedy fans watching the debate, and their comment would be, 'He's really slaughtering Nixon.' Then we would all go to another apartment, and the Nixon fans would say, 'How do you like the shellacking he gave Kennedy?'
I don't read enough books, so I guess I'm pretty shallow. I'm a lot into the physical. With me, first attraction is never intellectual.
I don't have an act. I just talk. I'm just Lenny Bruce.
I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.
If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
All my humor is based on destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing in the bread line - right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.
When you're eight years old nothing is your business.
Today, I give my daughter what I really didn't have as a kid: all the silly, dumb, extravagant, frilly, nonfunctional toys I can force on her. She probably wants an encyclopedia.
I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.
In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.
I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.
The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.
If God made the body, and the body is dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.
