There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.
There are three ages of man: youth, middle age, and "Gee, you look good."
My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.
I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'.
Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
Congress: Bingo with billions.
If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.
Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles.
No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.
All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
