The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.

I have two trifling ambitions in the theater: to make a lot of people laugh and to make a lot of money.

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy. Because the poor person has hope. He thinks money would help.

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.